Working with Anxiety – Thoughts from October 19, 2004

Well, it’s been a while, but I’m back. Back in time, back to the Assessor’s office, and back to being clueless about what I’m doing with my life. Back to being scheduled every minute of the day, and back to that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach for much of the day. Most importantly, I’m back to the inspiration for one of the nastiest songs I’ve ever written. Happy days are here again! (Future note: I remember these days and remember how the anxious feeling began as soon as I woke up. As I got closer to work, my anxiety would build. The source of my anxiety was my immediate supervisor. She was a miserable, hateful person. The nasty song I wrote was about her. It was called Jesse, but that wasn’t her name. When I refer to being back, I tried a higher paying job in another department, but was let go because I was not good at the job. They told me I could go back to my job at the Assessor’s office. I almost wished they had fired me outright.)

Apropos of today’s sermon, the sky is filled with clouds and gloom. I was thinking of my mom and dad and old times a while ago and almost broke into tears here at work. Missing times, missing people, and missed opportunities seem to be the title of this current chapter of my life. I’m supposedly getting a notebook/tablet computer tonight. I say “supposedly” because I’ve tried for the past two days to get it, but CompUSA’s power (the only place it’s available in the store) has been out. Also, I mention this only because I believe in my mind and heart this notebook/tablet is going to be my key to finishing several of my creations. It is a cool item, though. It acts like a regular notebook computer, but the screen will flip around, and you can draw on the screen. I’m hoping this will advance my animated series, Special Class, and my novel, The Exchange. It will allow me to work from the couch by Patti with her laptop.

I just went out for a break and it’s raining heavily today. The streets will probably be flooded. We have the first of three window guys coming to the house tonight. Sister (our cat) liked him best, so we went with him. He also had the most flexible plan for what we want to do, but you can’t discount the cat’s choosing in the matter. We also have to go by CompUSA to get my notebook/tablet computer. Okay, we don’t have to do it tonight, but I want to use it, so we’re going to pick it up before we go home. We’ll try it. If it’s too bad, we’ll try it another day.

My nasty boss left for the day so I could type this much, whereas I wouldn’t be able to. I have to worry about my numbers, though, so I’ll get back to work and talk to you all later (perhaps on my new notebook/tablet computer). One can only dream. (Future note: The wonder product notebook/tablet computer was eventually purchased. I wish I could say it lived up to all the hype, but I learned it was much less than I was hoping for. It was small, but still weighed quite a bit. The reversible screen was awkward to draw on. I could not do animation on it. It was one of the many purchases that taught me to do more research and see what it can’t do rather than what it can. Admittedly, the internet was not filled with as much information and reviews as it would have here in the future.)