Tag: humor

• Hot Toilets, Disturbing Noises, and Boring Conversations – Thoughts from June 11 and 12, 2024

  

  June 11, 2024 Let’s begin this thing you’re reading with a fascinating story involving a hot restroom toilet bowl. I was in a restroom at work and sitting down. My pants were not down around my ankles because that’s not where I keep my pants when I’m on the toilet. The top of my pants…

  Brian Kirwan

  April 29, 2025

  Uncategorized

  2024, all or nothing, boring stories, cellophane noise, changing my mind, chill pill, courtesy flush, crappy stories, expressing the thoughts of others, flushing, Google, humor, inherently negative attitude, Leaf sculpture!, nails on a chalkboard, no middle ground, Patti, political conversations, regular courteous self, restroom toilet, retirement, set in your thinking, sitting on the toilet, Southern California, sports talk, staying overnight, steaming coming out of the toilet, surrounded by people talking, taking note, talking about death, talking about food and drinks, thinking for yourself, thoughts, toilet bowl, video on the toilet, water heating my butt, wedding anniversary, weirdly impressive, work stories, wrapping something in cellophane

• Mono Hearing – Thoughts from June 2, 2024

  

  I’m going to start today’s Thoughts paper with a thought about what it’s like to only hear in one ear. I noted about twenty years ago in a Thoughts paper how my hearing was declining in one ear. Over the years, I have gone from only hearing certain tones to hearing almost nothing. I was…

  Brian Kirwan

  April 8, 2025

  Uncategorized

  2024, anxiety, attractive people, autobiography, bad ear, Beatles songs, Brian, creating music, deaf in one ear, declining hearing, Halle Berry, headphones, hearing loss, hearing only in one ear, humor, ignoring my name, Is this the correct side?, knowing left from right, knowing where sounds are coming from, live events, live events are a nightmare, loud noises, mono hearing, mono hearing sucks crap through a straw, overloaded ear and brain, Patti, Paul Stanley, physically hurts me, pity attractive people, Rob Lowe, speaking quietly, Stephen Colbert, stereo music, stereo was my jam, the name Brian, the price of beauty, thoughts, Thoughts paper, walking on the left of people, you’re on my bad side

• Cinco de Mayo, Retirement, and Seeing Cubs – Thoughts from May 5 and 11, 2024

  

  May 5, 2024 As I mentioned yesterday, today is Cinco de Mayo. Someone joked that no one knows what it’s about. I could use my research I did yesterday to inform him that everyone knows it’s about the victory of Mexico over France in 1862. My heart would grow three times larger if he thought…

  Brian Kirwan

  March 4, 2025

  Uncategorized

  1862, 2024, additional destinations, babies, baby boy, cats, Cinco de Mayo, clever, cold water, disgusted by fast food, enjoying vacuuming, extra errands, falling, freaking out the cats, humor, just watching me, knowing stuff, knowledge off the top of my head, nephew, non-refrigerated water, not eating, Patti, pizza eating, research, retirement, retiring, roasting people, sleeping baby, The Lion King, thoughts, Thoughts paper, tiger cubs, tiger documentary, tigers, tigers hunt kill and eat, trimming bushes, tv shows, vacuuming, Walmart, watch tv, workshopping ideas, writing, writing in retirement card

• Visiting LAs Art District and My Past – Thoughts from April 20, 2024

  

  Appropriately for today, I will point out the times recently when I have smelled marijuana around me. This, of course, is 420, man. I’ve never smoked … well, anything, but no one I know has ever even smoked marijuana around me. I only know what it smells like because it smells like skunk. This has…

  Brian Kirwan

  February 4, 2025

  Uncategorized

  2024, 420, apartment, arcades in the 80s, art district, artsy furniture, classic arcade and pinball bar, decorating aesthetic, deli, expensive cars, fancy amenities, food experiences, freeway, Frogger, gourmet grocery store, hip clientele, humor, items that make a statement, Jesus Christ Superstar album, lack of a TV, local restaurant, Los Angeles, LP collection, macaroni salad, marijuana smell, Mexican food, minimalism, nephew, Patti, people who don’t have a TV, Philippe’s, pinball machines, purple egg, sawdust on the ground, smelling dead skunks on the freeway, smells like skunk, smoking marijuana, sweet potato tacos, Tapper, taxes, thoughts, Tron, unique Asian items, vegan status, Vegas, video games, well-paid creatives, western religions traveling east

• Sexist Old Men and Unpleasant Pets – Thoughts from April 30 and May 06, 2023

  

  April 30, 2023 Last day of the month, here we are. I want to start this Thoughts paper with a thought from yesterday. I was in a van of older gentlemen and they started talking about comedians. One of them said he doesn’t like female comedians that speak vulgarly. As part of that, he mentioned…

  Brian Kirwan

  May 16, 2024

  Uncategorized

  1970s, 2022, 2023, Amy Schumer, animals, attitudes about women, Bill Cosby, blogging, cats, childhood, comedians, diary entry dribble, Disneyland, dogs, educate yourself, farms, female comedians, female lead, female led comedies, fish, Fritz, fury raging inside me, good behavior, growing up on a farm, hamsters, humor, listening to women, male comedians, male executives, male-centric forms of entertainment, memoirs, minds in the past, old man lead, older gentlemen, period humor, periods, pets, pure breed, questioning things, roosters, sexist men, sports, stored-up thoughts, thoughts, Thoughts paper, ugly, unwritten, vulgar comedians, vulgarity, women are better than men, writing

• Zipper Malfunction – Thoughts from March 25, 2023

  

  Something happened today that will only be entertaining with time. I was in the restroom at work and I zipped up my pants to find that only one side of the teeth was still connected to the zipper. Trying to connect the zipper back to the other teeth while I was standing at the urinal…

  Brian Kirwan

  April 23, 2024

  Uncategorized

  2023, changing room, costuming, covered the hole, embarrassed, entertaining with time, humor, laughing, loaner clothes, loaner pair of pants, open fly, picking up people, restroom, restroom stall, safety pin, sweating, thoughts, toilet, urinal, walking stiffly, wardrobe malfunction, work, zip up my pants, zipper malfunction, zipper teeth

• Sitcom Decisions and Nostalgic Nerds – Thoughts from March 18 and 22, 2023

  

  March 18, 2023 I was thinking today about making sitcom decisions. Sitcom decisions mainly use lies to avoid making actual decisions. Lying to your spouse about doing something you forgot to do is a sitcom decision. Characters make decisions in sitcoms purely for comedic purposes. Sitcoms have taught us dangerous and absurd life lessons that…

  Brian Kirwan

  April 18, 2024

  Uncategorized

  2023, accepting realities, adding tags to articles, anti-religious, avoid making decisions, behavior, books, calling out, characters, comedic purposes, comedy, Comp USA, covering something up, David Sedaris books, entertaining nerds, fellow nerds, funny, hilarious, humor, learning from failures, lies, life lessons, literary agents, lying to your spouse, making the same mistakes, nostalgia, nostalgic nerds, Patti, query letter, quirky personality, rain, raining heavily, Reality Acceptance, selling books, sitcom decisions, sitcoms, stupid decisions, thoughts, Thoughts from Life, unhappy marriage, weird observations, wet freeways, work, writing

• Beatniks – Thoughts from November 19 and 20, 2022

  

  November 19, 2022 I started publishing my Thoughts from Life papers on November 1st. Originally, I was going to publish them once a week, but decided to bump it up to two times on Tuesday and Thursday. I, of course, got the domain name for thoughtsfromlife.com first. It’s what I do. I scheduled them into…

  Brian Kirwan

  January 30, 2024

  Uncategorized

  1996, 2022, 50s, audio recording, Beat My Necks sketch, beatnik, Beatrix, belief, beliefs are bad, beliefs are bad for your health, cat centipede, cats, cats in bed with me, comic genius, feedback, gain weight on days off, gaining weight, going to church tired, humor, illogical, interpretations of reality, knowledge is good, laughing, Lifetime Achievement Award for Denial of All Realities, line?, losing weight, Luna, not a group joiner, old documents, old hard drive, others interpreting reality, Patti, podcast, publishing, realities, scale makes fun of me, Scout, seperating myself from others, skipping church, sleepy, smelling buts, The Human Centipede, thoughts, Thoughts from Life, Thoughts papers, thoughtsfromlife.com, video recording, Willow, WordPress ad, writing, writing community, YouTube

• Chinese Fast Food – Thoughts from September 19 to October 1, 2022

  

  September 19, 2022 We’re in Vegas for Patti’s birthday. The suite we’re in doesn’t have a remote to open the curtains this time. We were both very disappointed. How quickly we have become accustomed to the finer things. I’ve taken some good ground creature pictures. Hey Brian, what the hell are “ground creature” pictures? They…

  Brian Kirwan

  January 4, 2024

  Uncategorized

  2022, art, auto-complete, automatic flush, automatic toilets, breakfast, BrianCreates.com, caring about others, chicken, Chinese food, comedy routine, context, eating animals, entertainment, fast food, flushing, food touching, ground creature pictures, happy and healthy, headache, healthy and delicious, humor, intends offending, motivating myself, my goals, not famous, Patti, pets, restroom, suite, thoughts, tired, ugly hugging, urinal, Vegas, writing, younger me

• Writer Dude Stories – Thoughts from July 24, 2022

  

  We have a new person who works in our department who I hardly ever see because she works mornings and I work at night. I told her, “I hardly ever see you. Tell me something interesting about yourself.” She told me about her past jobs and that one of her sons has autism. She talked…

  Brian Kirwan

  November 16, 2023

  Uncategorized

  2022, anxieties, athletes, autism, autistic, autistic child, autistic traits, backstories, boring jobs, boring story, care about people, cats, characters, competition, conflicts, cooperation, dull people, embarassment, feminine qualities, fictional stories, happily ever after, humor, judgements against strangers, judging, new person, perfect and boring, positive attitude, positivity, reality, ridged thinking, singular focus, something interesting about you, sports, stories, story with no conflict, thought elephant in the room, thoughts, Thoughts papers, time, underdeveloped, wasn’t diagnosed, we all have stories, work, write your own thoughts, Writer Dude, writing