Patti and I went to Vegas for five days and I didn’t write one word while I was there. Many things happened, but I was too busy eating, drinking, and gambling. Now, I’ll try to think back on the days and write about them. The first thing was leaving the cats knowing we wouldn’t be back for five days. They are a daily part of my routine. They lick my hair when I’m stretching, get rubbed by me when I’m on the toilet, and lie on me when I’m on the couch or in bed. Not seeing them always puts a damper on our vacations.
As we were driving to Vegas, we listened to the Handsome podcast. Many times, we paused it and talked about what they were talking about. Three comedians host it. If you haven’t heard it, give it a listen. The main comedian is Tig Notaro. The podcast goes well with our liberal views. It makes me feel sorry for conservatives who would never listen to a lesbian led comedy podcast. Laughing helps you pass the time between restroom breaks on the road. We were going to go to a buffet right outside Vegas, but we found out the buffet no longer existed.
When we got to Vegas, it hit me we were staying right on Fremont Street. Years ago, we stayed there in “the oldest hotel in Vegas.” As we found out, everything was old at the hotel. The air conditioners, beds, servers, and slot machines were the oldest as well. I still remember an older server that may have worked there since the hotel opened. We wondered if she was going to make it to the next day. The stay at the hotel was something we won in a carpool raffle from work. I used this experience to refer to the hotel we were currently staying in as the oldest hotel in Vegas. It wasn’t the same hotel, but it felt not that different in several areas.
We stayed every day in Fremont Street except for the last day. There was a very different vibe during the day than at night. During the day, beggars, some families, and other people who were eating breakfast at 2:00 pm like us. Nighttime comprised half-naked people, the skunk smell of marijuana, and loudspeakers competing for your attention. There was one casino that was worse than the street. They had young women dancing on the bar. I don’t know if it was more annoying or sad. The only noise in most of the casinos was the people like me who turned up their machines because you won more that way and the people at the tables screaming about dice or a good poker hand.
Patti and I usually went into casinos and looked at what slot machines they had and decided if we wanted to get a player’s club card. Patti couldn’t get one because she forgot to bring her driver’s license with her. If she had won a large amount of money, I don’t know that she would have been able to keep it. Luckily, the highest amount we won was $500. Even that would have been no problem because I’m the one who won it. It was on our last day in Vegas that I won it. Patti was going to a drag show with a friend from the place where she used to work. For two hours, I was on my own. I hopped from machine to machine in my patented way. If a machine didn’t hit big after ten dollars of playing, I tried another machine. When the machine hit big, I increased the amount I bet. When those bets hit big, I was dealing with truly big money.
My biggest win was on a themed slot machine that has a talking plant in it. I hit big several times and found myself with over $500 in the machine. When I had $500 and some change, I cashed out. In case you haven’t been to a casino in twenty years, the slot machines don’t spit out coins anymore. You print out a ticket that you can take to a cashier or a money machine. I took the money out in five $100 bills so I could show Patti my dramatic winnings. I continued to gamble with other money and got up to almost $100 when I got a text from Patti that they were done with the drag show.
I went to where the show was but didn’t see them. Looking around, I saw them nearby at two machines. The moment I saw Patti, I knew she was several drinks past her limit. She said she only had a few Long Island iced teas, but she wasn’t used to drinking them. I tried to show Patti my winnings, but she kept talking about other things. I finally showed her the five $100 bills, and she slurred something I couldn’t understand. Her friend was leaving, and Patti wanted to walk her to her car. We both told Patti that she should just sit down for a little while. Her friend left, and we sat at two machines that had big golden pigs on the screens. We were there for the next two hours.
Patti kept falling asleep at her machine. I took a sip of her drink from the drag show, and it tasted like rotten fruit. It was pure alcohol. She wanted to drink more, but I threw it in the trash. I got her water, a Dr. Pepper, and coffee, but none of them seemed to pep her up enough to walk without feeling like she was going to puke. She kept demanding that I get a wheelchair so I could wheel her out to the car. I had no idea where I was going to get a wheelchair and didn’t think it would help the situation. Eventually, she could stand, and we made it to the car.
Thoughts from Life 
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