Never Seeing Quest Again – Thoughts from July 18, 2023

I just got a call at work from Patti about Quest. Quest was in our bedroom on the floor, and she couldn’t lift her head. Patti’s sister came over and they are going to take Quest to the vet. Patti and I dealt with this situation before. Sister (the cat) had the same thing happen to her, and she didn’t come home from the vet. I’m tearing up typing this. I told her to let me know when she finds something out. Writing this is helping distract me, but I know what Patti is going to tell me when she gets back to me. My mind can’t think of anything else.

Patti just called me back. She’s doing what we knew she would have to do. I won’t be there. The last time I saw Quest was when I was walking out the door to go to work. Now, it is the last time I will see her ever again. Patti said Scout was sitting beside Quest when she was lying with her head down in the bedroom. Scout was obsessed with Quest and often tried to hang out with her as much as she could. Quest tolerated her most of the time. Scout will probably be the only one of the cats who will miss Quest. Her children were all afraid of Quest to varying degrees. Willow was openly hostile to her. She would growl at Quest if she got too close. I had to shoo her away when she got too aggressive. I told her Quest is not being aggressive toward her. The only thing she was being was blind. Now, Quest doesn’t have to suffer anymore.

I told several people about what was happening with Quest, but I talked to very few people after I found out Quest was gone. I’m afraid to tell people about her because I will tear up all over again. As with Blaze, it will take me some time to not think of her all the time. This is the seventh cat I have lost in my life. You’d think I’d be used to it, but you never get used to it. You only get through it in time. The mix of happiness at the memories of her and sadness at the loss of her will take a while to work through.

When I go home tonight, every piece of black fur, the towel I put on my printer for Quest, and even the litter boxes will remind me of who is not there. The four furry faces still in the house will remind me of the furry face I’ll never see again. When I see her face in the slideshow pictures in our kitchen, they will make me smile and teary-eyed at the same time. It’s not good or bad. It’s just what is. I haven’t lost my memories of her. I’ve lost her. When I vacuum the house the next time, I will probably be crying the whole time. Not cleaning up after Quest will be a bitter reminder of what I don’t have to do. As with any family member that is no longer there, we will feel her absence whenever we see one another.

I fully expect Scout to act strangely for a while. When we lost Slash, Blaze and Quest acted differently days after Slash was gone. Quest acted differently when Blaze didn’t come home. Scout looked up to Quest. She very rarely challenged Quest even though Quest was more afraid of Scout than Scout was of her. Scout’s kids challenged Quest, but it was mainly out of fear. They didn’t know her like the adults in the house did. She was just a stranger they didn’t know was living in the house with them until we allowed them out of the bedroom. The fear they had at meeting Quest as kittens never really ended. We are now a four cat household. It’s hard to believe, but it will seem much smaller than just one cat less.