April 1, 2023
It’s April Fools’ Day! Believe nothing I say today unless it sounds too boring to be a joke. I hooked up my dash-cam to look out at the traffic and inside my car. I like everything about it except how fat it makes me look. It’s capturing the video of me accurately and that’s the problem. My fatness, receding hairline, bad posture, and lack of chin are on full display. It’s a cruel trick I played on myself. It wasn’t a surprise. I see myself in the mirror every day. Much of the time, the image I’m seeing is naked. At least in the car, I’m clothed.
April Fools! You thought there was going to be more, but here you are at the end of this Thoughts paper. Fool you later!
April 3, 2023
I’m almost finished listening to a Norm Macdonald autobiography. Actually, it’s only a based on a true story biography. He wrote it, but he makes many things up about his life. It’s funny because he takes it to an absurd level. Most of the time, our real lives need exaggeration to make them more interesting. Eating lunch interrupted me in this paragraph. At lunch, I finished listening to Norm’s book. It was funny all the way through. He died in 2021. It was one day before Patti’s birthday that year. He was born one year before Patti. Because I am the king of transitions, I’m going to talk about Patti in the next paragraph within the context of someone dying who was younger than she is now when he died.
Patti told me she fell beside her truck at work today. She said she fell flat on her face in the dirt. I received this text from Patti and I asked her where she fell. She spent the next few texts basically telling me she told me earlier on the phone. When she told me on the phone, she didn’t make it clear how badly she fell. My concentration was now on how bad the fall was, but she kept concentrating on having told me about it before. Telling her I don’t remember things I hear doesn’t stop her. She continues to tell me about repeating her words. I also reminded her that falling at an older age has more and more consequences. I don’t want her retirement ruined by extended stays in the hospital. She wants to travel, but she can’t go far if she can’t walk. I told her this, but she ignored it. After all, my only goal is to pick on her. That’s how I show my love.
To be honest, Patti talking about falling or hurting herself in some other way is not a rare occurrence. She is clumsy. I could explain how she is in a more nuanced way, but clumsy sums up the problem. She has small feet. That could explain some of it, but it’s definitely not the only reason. From what I’ve seen, her greatest weakness is being in a hurry. She constantly forgets or loses things because her thoughts come quicker than her body can keep up. Multitasking is her regular mode of operation. As I’ve said for many years, multitasking just means you never devote enough energy to any one task. Everything you do distracts you from everything else you’re doing. This is why Patti can never remember the shows we watched together on TV. She listens to the shows, but is actually looking at her laptop most of the time. If we’re watching The Simpsons, she misses half the jokes because they’re visual. This is an excellent example of the difference between us. I have a visual memory and she has an audio one. Ironically, I listen to more audio books and she watches more TV. Go figure.
Thoughts from Life 
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