Zipper Malfunction – Thoughts from March 25, 2023

Something happened today that will only be entertaining with time. I was in the restroom at work and I zipped up my pants to find that only one side of the teeth was still connected to the zipper. Trying to connect the zipper back to the other teeth while I was standing at the urinal was getting me nowhere. I went into a stall and sat on the toilet. I couldn’t get anywhere with my pants around my waist so I put them around my legs. It worked better, but I still couldn’t get them to connect to the other teeth. My next thought concerned getting from the restroom back to the office without knowingly walking around with my fly open. I untucked my shirt and covered the hole the best I could.

When I got to the office to ask if they had a safety pin or something I could use, there were two women from another department who were talking to the coworkers I was going to ask. I sat in a chair nearby and waited for them to finish. They never did! They were just chit chatting back and forth. Another coworker came in and asked why my face looked like it did. I explained the situation, and he laughed a little. He suggested I go to costuming and see if they had a safety pin. I put my jacket on and zipped it so I had more than just the bottom of my shirt covering the hole. With my hands in the pockets of my jacket, I pushed them down as far as they would go in the front. I’m sure I looked completely natural walking stiffly to costuming with a jacket on and sweating. I sweat normally, but I sweat even more when I’m embarrassed.

At costuming, I just came out with the whole truth and nothing but the truth. There was a young man at the desk who had great sympathy for my situation. He gave me a safety pin, and I went into the changing room. When I got there, I realized I had no idea what to do with the pin. I tried at first to conceal the fact that a safety pin was holding my zipper together. Eventually, I connected the safety pin right in front of the zipper like they did with baby diapers back in the day. Still not satisfied with this, I kept my jacket on to continue to cover the whole mess. I walked out and avoided the costuming desk. This whole time, I had a run that was approaching. Now, I knew I was going to be late to the run.

As I approached the people I was late picking up, they were standing outside, waiting. As they got into my vehicle, I explained the whole wardrobe malfunction to them. They understood and forgave me because I’m usually early for their runs. One of them suggested I go to costuming and get a loaner pair of pants. I agreed because that was my plan. I dropped them off and headed to where we can get loaner clothes. It was in a different area than the original costuming area where I went for the safety pin. I know you were wondering why I didn’t get loaner clothes in the first place I went. I had to drive to the other place. It was on the second floor of another building. Good news! They had my size. I put on the new pair of pants and headed right to my next run. Luckily, I wasn’t late to this one.