Brian Explains: Planned Procrastination
The main philosophy of planned procrastination is why do today what you can plan to do tomorrow? I believe I started the beginnings of this philosophy in high school, but it truly blossomed in College. I have a degree in English Composition that I am putting to great use by writing this article you are reading. When I was in grade school, I did many book reports on books I didn’t actually read or barely read. The art of skimming a book and coming up with some BS for an essay on it seemed to come naturally for me. In high school, I could write original BS that I got praised for even more than the BS essays about someone else’s book. I decided the BS skill could serve me well in a degree that may as well have been called an English BS degree. I always thought it would have been much more poetic if I had received a BS when I graduated rather than a BA. Of course, I never really cared for poetry. I saved the only two poetry classes I was forced to take until my last semester at college. One was reading poetry and the other was writing poetry. As with everything else in my educational life, the BS poems I wrote in minutes just before the class received much higher grades than ones I spent days on making sure the pentameter, syntax, and rhyme (oh my) were just right.
How can planned procrastination help you? Let me answer that question by asking you a question. What could it hurt? Try it. You’ll like it. Not convinced? Let me give you an example:
You are sitting at home and you get a phone call from your aunt asking you if you remembered she invited you to her house for her birthday party in an hour. You say, “Of course, I’ll be there.” Hanging up the phone, you think, “This is why I didn’t want my aunt having my home phone number.” After you calm down, you realize you only have a half-hour to get a present because it will take you the other half-hour to get out of bed, get dressed, brush your teeth and hair, and drive to your aunt’s house. You go down to the closest store that sells cards, gift bags, and miscellaneous knick-knacks and slap it all together in your car. As you are slapping it together, you realize the card you bought is actually a “Get Well Soon” card. Thinking quickly, you write inside the card something about being sick of birthdays or some BS like that. You take the gift to your aunt’s house and she goes on and on about how creative the card is and how she always wanted a cactus shaped pot with a cactus in it. Your family has an odd, but very real vote about how you are the greatest living relative and you live happily ever after.
What does this story prove? Nothing really, but it shows that the procrastination (even though it really was not planned) had a positive result.
Who can benefit from planned procrastination? Oh, just a small segment of the population known as everyone! People spend hours, days, weeks, and even months planning things that are going to take place in the future. People plan vacations, job interviews, and parties for what? I say they are planning for big headaches, hours of frustration, and huge amounts of disappointment. Why? With planned procrastination, you let your subconscious mind take over.
Other people just want to help you organize your life by creating lists. I am not offering you the things you need. I am offering you something you want – more time! Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’d like to go to the movies today, but I have those things to do.” Take that list of things to do and throw them out the window of tomorrow because, as I said at the beginning of this article, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow. I know I said something along those lines. Looking back to see exactly what I said will only take time away from living my life. I have to finish this article quickly so I can publish it in a few hours. Now that’s planned procrastination!
I now present to you my top graded, quickly composed poems from my final semester of college:
In My Mind
by Brian Kirwan
The papers piled neatly on the desk . . .
Arrangements set in time on calendars . . .
Intended actions set for performing . . .
Nothing saved for life tomorrow . . .
Never words unsaid to those who hear . . .
Every journey set for execution . . .
All from this chair where I sit.
Rolling My Eyes
by Brian Kirwan
“An acoustic piano has 88 keys.
In beginning piano, you will use
Only a small portion of those at one time.
This is your instrument,
Learn to use it with care.
Children learn through touch and feel,
Not by reading a book.”
My eyes rolled into Never Never Land.
“Can you see the football
With the stick coming out of it?
That’s a note.
How many sets of three black keys
Do you see?
That’s right, there’s five.
That’s five octaves.”
My eyes rolled on the white keys
Until they rolled between two black keys.
“Just the tips.
Has anyone heard of . . . Life
Is not merely made up of white keys.
Tai, do you know what the Suzuki Method is?”
My eyes rolled past separate white and black keys.
“’Soldier, Soldier’ is what we’re playing.
Wrists up, fingers bent, head high . . .
Okay . . . play.”
My eyes stepped up to E and skipped down to C.
“Let’s try it again.
One more time.
Just one more.
Last time . . . here we go.
And again . . .”
Thoughts from Life 
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