Brian Explains: Being Macho
Soap operas are the down-fall of women. I’m not saying that men don’t watch them, but most men find the melodramatic events in soap operas a tad too emotional to take. This is not a description of this man. I cry all the time. Gossip is one of my favorite hobbies, alongside knitting and doing the dishes. (Pause) Okay, I’m lying. I rarely cry, hate soap operas and gossiping, and buy into many ideas of what “macho” men are supposed to do. There are a few “macho” things I don’t take part in. One would be “hanging out with the guys.” I usually have one or two good friends (now that I am married, I have a good friend and wife in one). Getting together with a bunch of guys and drinking beer is something I don’t do. Talking about women to most men only leads to a sexist and stereotypical conversation. Complaining about your job is not what I was put on this earth to do. I was put here to hand out pamphlets that say “What?” on them.
A large activity of the macho set is watching sports. I can’t really imagine anything more boring than watching a sporting event. I don’t care what kind of sport; they are all boring. The one sport I can stand to watch, basketball, still denigrates into a boxing match now and then. Hockey denigrates into a boxing match every other quarter or whatever time frame hockey operates under. If you love football, I am sorry for this next sentence, but you had to be told at some point. Football is the single most boring, idiotic, and cruel sport ever invented. It preys on the stupid and suckers them into thinking a future in getting hurt makes sense. Boxing is the ultimate in stupid cruelties they call a sport, but football disguises itself with strategy. It looks like a sport with skill, but that skill is only had by one person who is not a player. He is on the sidelines and calls himself the coach. It is as if he is a chess player who is playing with real people who really get hurt. What does he care? They are just pawns in his chess game of violence.
The final “macho” item (though not a complete list) I do not take part in is not being able to control my want for sex, rage, or mouth. I have control over my body and my mind. I’m not a man who could rape a woman and ignore her pleas to stop. Nor am I a man who could beat a woman. These men belong in jail. The man who says whatever sexist things he pleases regardless of who he offends should be forced to live as a different sex the rest of his life. I realized long ago women’s lives were much more difficult than men’s. Women are more sophisticated than men, they live longer than men, and they deserve more respect than men. I have more to say on this issue and probably will in my speech to the League of Women Voters. There’s not a lot of space left in this paragraph, though, so I will stop the it here. Well, on second thought, maybe I’ll stop here.
Being macho seems more about proving to yourself that you are macho than actually about being macho. All the things making up being “macho” are in your mind. I am sure many people considered the Village People macho and they may have been. They were all the male stereotypes of what being macho was all about. “YMCA” is sung at just about every sporting event and so is “We are the Champions” by Queen. I guess being “macho” is the new gay. “Macho pride” will be the new chant of macho people. Who am I to judge? If they want to be loud and proud to be “happy” and “macho”, I say more power to them. Don’t expect me to march in the Macho Pride Parade, though. It’s just not my thing.
(Future note: This last paragraph was clever for its time, but it’s only making fun of macho people just like they would make fun of LGBTQ people. They only knew enough to call them gay just as I did. I was only focusing on macho and gay men. The whole point for me was to show I’m not macho, but I’m also not gay. Today, if people think I’m gay, I take it as a compliment. I’d much rather be called gay than macho. Being macho is still around, but they call it being “manly”. Being who you are is not a competition. Who you are attracted to is whoever you find attractive. That doesn’t mean they fit a stereotype. It means they fit into your life.)
Thoughts from Life 
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