Dad in the Hospital – Thoughts from April 16, 2003

I have no real idea how to start this Thoughts paper. Many things are going on right now in and out of my life. We were robbed last month and are trying to buy our first home. My dad went into the hospital last Friday (4/11/03). He is not doing well. We have moved most of our stuff out of the house, so we have a bare-bones place to live. We still hate most of our neighbors. I’m over at TAD now (and I’m over TAD), so I pretty much hate my job all the more. Before, I had time for outlets like writing this Thoughts paper (not the outlet malls that you were thinking of). Now, this time is a luxury I rarely get. I’ve taken a semester off from my animation classes. On top of everything else, I’m lost in a sea of me.

My dad fell in the bathroom and messed up his stomach. His kidneys are not functioning properly. His legs are very scarred, bloody, and draining puss, and he has a breathing tube down his throat. My mom and sister have talked about whether to resuscitate him when he’s in too much pain. Even if he pulls through, he’s going to be “damaged” the rest of his life. The doctors have said they may have to put a hole in his throat. He could probably talk, but he’ll never sound the same. Basically, he’ll never be the same as he was.

I took my mom to the hospital this weekend to see him, and my sister was there. I could tell she’d been crying. It didn’t take long seeing my dad before my mom and I were crying. His eyes were open and staring up at the ceiling. I didn’t know if he was conscious of what was going on around him or not. I held my dad’s hand and watched the machinery work. It was monitoring and keeping him alive. My dad was frustrated because he couldn’t talk. He was raising his hands, but they were tied down to the bed so he wouldn’t pull his tubes out. He tried moving his mouth, but had to give up trying to speak. We later found out he could respond to questions. He knew where he was and why he was there. That was good news for his mind, but his body was still very messed up. He’s still at the hospital.

My dad’s brother and sisters were in California visiting and came to the hospital to see him. Some stayed with my mom, and some stayed with other friends they knew in California. My aunt, Pat, actually slept in the bed with my mom (partly because of a lack of space). My uncle Gary and aunt Virginia stayed in my sister’s old room. On the one hand, my mom enjoys having them there. On the other, I know she would sometimes rather be alone.

My mom has a lady, Laurie, who comes over to help her in and out of her wheelchair and does several other chores my mom cannot do. Patti (my wife) and I were visiting and eating the KFC we picked up for everyone. My aunt Virginia said something like, “Laurie, is it far to Kentucky Fried Chicken?” Laurie was not there, but she was looking at Patti. Apparently, Virginia thought I was very chummy with my mom’s helper. Eventually, Patti realized Virginia was talking to her and just answered me. She leaned over to me and asked, “Did she just call me Laurie?” I said, “I think so.” Later, Virginia again referred to Patti as Laurie and my aunt Pat (I have a confusing amount of Pat’s and Patricia’s in my life – to make things worse, my middle name is Patrick) said, “Laurie? She’s not Laurie.” I don’t think Virginia heard her, so Patti’s name will probably still be Laurie.

I don’t know if I’m done, but I have to go to lunch now so goodbye if this is the last of today’s Thoughts. (By the way, I don’t really know why I’m italicizing Thoughts. Just deal with it.)

I’m back. I’m still lucking out as far as work goes today in that there isn’t much to do. We are having an egg-decorating contest at the other office (I feel so isolated where I am). It’s actually a piece of paper with an egg shape that’s blank on it. We can decorate it any way we see fit. I see fit to draw on it and add some colored paper decorations on top of it. The deadline was supposed to be today. I had the sheets last night, but I didn’t feel like doing it last night. They said we could still turn in the entries as late as tomorrow morning, so that’s what I’m going to do. At lunch, I drew a picture of a rabbit sitting back in a chair and saying to himself, “My work here is done.” There are, of course, eggs hidden all around him. Adorable – I know. It’s also topical. I work at the Jobs and Employment Services Department. Get it? I’m so clever. I’m not drawing as much as I should. This will push me into drawing something. And it’s an assignment. I could also win something. It’s a win (possibly) win situation.

I’m hoping we can find a house. We’ve looked a little bit with little success. We’re trying to get financed and find out what we can afford first. Every day, I come home … actually, that says it too strongly. Every day, I come back to the temporary place where we’re living (for the past 6 years) and curse all of our neighbors for their stupidity. One neighbor is playing rap music like there is a concert next door. Other neighbors are housing homeless people who are possibly the robbers who stole our stuff. The better neighbors just drive up to the house next door and honk their horns. I need to be a part of some kind of economic segregation, but I can’t afford to live in an economically segregated neighborhood. Jerry, at my work bought a $60,000 house years ago in the Corona area that is now worth about $300,000 – $400,000. I could get a good house, plus have leftover cash to furnish the house for that kind of money. Of course, in the area he’s in, that’s just the average price of a house. We just need to keep trying.