Thoughts from November 15 and 16, 1999

November 15, 1999

(Future note: The following was an experiment in which I tried dictating my thoughts into a small tape recorder. I had it with me as I went about my day. I was working at a group home for boys as a secretary. They specifically hired me for my maleness. They thought I would have fewer problems with the boys. I didn’t interact with the boys much. There was really only one incident when one of the boys came into the office and was clearly agitated about something. He was swearing up a storm and looking to get in trouble. The boys weren’t allowed in the office and he knew it. Some counselors came in and tried to talk him out, but they had to restrain him to get him out. I think the incident was more traumatic for me than the boy. I refer to Father John who was in charge of the group home after the man who hired me passed away. I didn’t like the man who hired me. He would yell at other people regularly. He never yelled at me, but I was still afraid to talk to him. I also refer to a Cliff. I have no memory of him. Sorry Cliff.)

Hello and welcome to the 1999, November 15 tape that is being brought to you by the people who bring you the silent duck. (Future note: This last part is a reference to a preview for an animated short called Alien Concept. It basically said, “From the people who brought you the singing duck.” I twisted it around and reversed it.)

Just now arriving at the post-office. I’m supposed to go at 10:30 am every day (Father John’s orders), but I was detained by the phone guy, Cliff. (Future note: Don’t you feel lucky you already know who Father John is and know not to care about Cliff?)

Look in my papers for something extremely short (10-20 seconds) that is completely hilarious. Or use the bubbles/truck idea. (Future note: Aren’t you glad I will not be explaining this part? It’s a mystery to me. It should be a mystery to you. I think this is kind of my creativity shopping list, but I won’t spoil the mystery.)

November 16, 1999

Day number two of operation new tape. This would be November 16, 1999. I am your host, Brian Kirwan.

Ask Patti if she knows what NO-KA-OI means. – Maui (Future note: I don’t know if I ever asked her about the phrase, but it means Maui is the best.)

I should practice my dictation and write everything I say on these tapes here. That’d be good. Just every day. It wouldn’t take very long most of the time. Sometimes I wouldn’t have anything. Then, I will put them in a file somewhere or in a specific place where I just have these thoughts. (Future note: I left all these sentences as they were dictated. This is why dictation never took off for me. I sound like an idiot who barely knows what words mean when I talk.)

I feel like my privacy’s being invaded whenever a tall truck is next to me and looking down on me. When am I supposed to masturbate? (Future note: This and the rest of the paper have been highly edited from their original state – except the masturbation line.)

Here’s an example of bad parenting. I saw a little child – a little girl with another little girl. The younger girl told the older one, “Don’t pick that up, it’s dirty.” What’s that about? What is a child doing worrying about what’s dirty and what’s not. That’s not what a child does. Children just pick up anything and put it into their mouth. What kind of psycho crap is this parent shoving down this little child’s throat? Being afraid of germs at such a young age is just disgusting. Parents suck. It wasn’t just that the child mentioned it. It was that the child mentioned it in a parental way. The child wasn’t making up her words on her own. She got it from her parents. They are panicking the child about germs through another child. Get over it and eat some dirt.

What is the deal with people not signaling? What happened to the fine art of signaling? Look, I’m going to turn right now. Look, I’m turning left up ahead. It’s like people just don’t give a crap anymore. I give a crap. Ugh! (Future note: This was the first time I wrote about people not signaling. It definitely was not the last.)